Let’s keep this simple:

• I only review audiobooks. If you send me an ebook, paperback, carrier pigeon manuscript… It’s an instant no.

• The queue is long — think 4–5 months. Longer than that? Either I skipped posting to avoid a negative review, or your book got lost in the TBR avalanche. It’s not personal, it’s just reality.

• Want it faster? There’s an option in the form to ask about an expedited review.

• Accepting your book does not mean I’m starting it tonight. I pick books in the order that makes sense for me.

• Emailing/tweeting/pinging me every week will not help. If anything, it makes me less excited to read it.

• If you’re rude after ignoring all this, I will post our conversation. You’ve been warned.

Format rules:

• US Audible codes are best (I’m in the US).

• I’ll also accept mp3/m4b files, Author’s Direct, and similar.

If you’ve read this far without getting mad, you’re probably my kind of author. Submit below.

The form can be a little glitchy with cover images, but if you’ve clicked submit, I’ve probably got it. Submitting five more times won’t make me see it faster; it’ll just make me wonder if your book is secretly multiplying.